A dialogue in a trailer of a Hindi movie Badrinath ki Dulhania has actually inspired me to write this post. The dialog goes like this ”Pyar important hain per us se bhi zyada izzath.”[Love is important but more than that dignity is important]. It is one of my strongest belief that between a couple there should be respect even before love. If you can’t respect each other then the love remains meaningless. Whenever I hear the separation news of couples I keep thinking that, what could have been the reason that ended such a long relationship. I also understand that some relationships are not worth continuing sometimes.
Islam as a religion teaches us to love someone for the sake of Allah; the sentence itself tells a lot of things like forgiving and forgetting, doing things to please each other and the most important of them is to think of Allah when your relation reaches a low time and doing all that can save the relationship which is also one among Allah’s mercies on us. I don’t think understanding is such a big task if you know to respect each other’s feelings. I believe all these things should be developed in the initial stage of marriage, the first two years I believe. This is the time when you explore about each other. Create an aura of positive vibes around your life as much as possible. This is the time when surroundings should not affect your relationship.
Lets take up an example where respect comes into picture. A wife may always wish that her husband would spend a little extra time with her and the husband may not wish the same always or may be he is busy with unavoidable social life and office. It’s natural that you can’t expect a warm welcoming behavior from your wife when you return home from work around the time where half of the night has already passed. In such a situation the husband makes a conclusion that his wife always cribs that her husband returns home late and doesn’t understand his situation. On an open note do you really think that would be the case, she gets angry because she is jealous of her husband? Honestly speaking, that’s not the truth at all. She actually gets upset about it, because all this time she was missing you and it was hard to spend the whole day inside the four walls of the house without you being around. The frustration that develops inside actually makes her angry. All I would say is respect her feelings and instead of shouting at her, give her a tight hug and tell her that it was an unavoidable situation or else you would never leave her alone. Trust me she will cherish it all her life. A wife has to be patient with whole family as she stays in your house, so for her you are the only person to express her emotions so make sure you respect that.
All the men out there who are reading my post must be wondering what’s their wife’s duty then? Or are just men to be blamed always! Not really.. Her duty would be to understand her husband’s situation. To understand that it’s not easy for him to suddenly change his lifestyle as easily as you can do. Respect his space. If he promises you to change some of his lifestyle then give him time. If you have any complaint then talk to him, tell him what is troubling you but make sure you don’t carry the baggage of issues for too long. To make someone understand you need to express yourself, but most important part is to finish it as soon as possible. No arguments, no fights should be dragged until next day. It’s very important that you finish the matter before you both fall asleep. Argue, discuss, fight or express but at the end of the day make sure you forgive and forget. Make a routine to sleep with a hug and wake up with a kiss. This gesture of affection will keep updating your love as the time goes on.
P.S : Never forget any of the matter in life without forgiving or else it will always rot somewhere in your untold memories.
I believe husband and wife are equal in position it’s just that they share different responsibilities. Islam gives very clear definition of duties for husband and wife. Wife’s duty is to be obedient to her husband, fulfill his needs and to take care of his house and family in his absence, where as husband’s duty is to take the full responsibility of the wife’s happiness, dignity and to fulfill her lawful needs (even though rarely people follow that). In my 11 years of married life I understood that it’s in your own hands to make your life beautiful or painful.
WISH YOU ALL THE COUPLES OUT THERE A VERY HAPPY MARRIED LIFE AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL LOOKING FOR THEIR SOULMATE WISH YOU TOO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE 🙂